Log24

But seriously . . . Box759.wordpress.com.

On this, his birthday, actor Hugh Grant
is hereby named an

Honorary Waco Wacko.

By the authority vested in me by the possession of

1. Knowledge of Vivienne Browning’s My Browning Family Album, a work dedicated to Dr. Joseph Armstrong, “founder of the Armstrong Browning Library, Baylor University, Waco, Texas,”
2. Knowledge that today is the date of the Battle of Marathon, and of the claim that
   

   “The spread of Pan’s worship beyond his home pastures of Arcadia was said to have arisen around the 5th Century BCE. Pan asked why the Athenians neglected him, and promised them victory over the Persians if they would worship him. At Marathon, the Persians were routed and fled in Panic; so, the Athenians built a temple for him on the Acropolis, and his worship soon extended to all Greece.”

   2a. (including subsidiary knowledge of the ridiculous falseness of all political statements, including the following contemptible lie by Michael Dukakis in his 1988 Democratic National Convention acceptance speech:

   “And as I accept your nomination tonight, I can’t help recalling that the first marathon was run in ancient Greece, and that on important occasions like this one, the citizens of Athens would complete their ceremonies by taking a pledge. That pledge, that covenant, is as eloquent and timely today as it was 2000 years ago.  

   ‘We will never bring disgrace to this, our country, by any act of dishonesty or cowardice. We will fight for the ideals of this, our country. We will revere and obey the laws. We will strive to quicken our sense of civic duty. Thus, in all these ways, we will transmit this country greater, better, stronger, prouder and more beautiful than it was transmitted to us.’ “)

   (None of the Harvard intellects associated with Dukakis saw fit to point out that there never was any such pledge. As a consequence, both Harvard University and the Democratic Party remain cursed to this day.),

3. Knowledge (both intellectual and carnal) of the female form of the god Pan, as seen in the classic and great movie “Sirens” (starring, among others, Hugh Grant) and on the cover of the 1977 Olivia Newton-John album “Making a Good Thing Better,”

   

4. Knowledge that even the best critics can be wrong, as exemplified by Roger Ebert’s remarks in his review of “Sirens”…
   
   

   “Although they are often charged with being emotionally distant, the British have produced more than their share of sexual outlaws, from Oscar Wilde to Aleister Crowley to D.H. Lawrence to Francis Bacon, to balance the ledger. The central figure in ‘Sirens’ is perhaps vaguely inspired by another legendary British bohemian, Augustus John, an artist whose models and mistresses were interchangeable, and who delighted in scandal.

   Named Norman Lindsay, the film’s hero is played by Sam Neill as a notorious painter who lives on an estate in Australia where his art coexists side-by-side with an experiment in living.”

   (Actually, the central figure is not “vaguely inspired” by anyone. He is precisely inspired by an artist named exactly Norman Lindsay, as Roger will learn if he searches the Web. Roger also gets Pan wrong in this film; he says, “the bearded Lindsay is a Pan of sorts.” No. The “Pan of sorts” is in fact the girl who romps joyfully with the local boys and who later, with great amusement, uses her divine x-ray vision to view Tara Fitzgerald naked in church.),

   and, finally,

5. Knowledge that, as the Greeks well knew,  there is a dark side to all this Pan business (Vivienne Browning’s book reveals that her father was a friend, not only of the bohemian artist Norman Lindsay, but also of the black mage Aleister Crowley. Let us pray that Hugh Grant’s performance as a clergyman in “Sirens” and as a defender of the faith in “The Lair of the White Worm” have prepared him to cope with the dark (or, sometimes, “Brown”) side of the divine.),

I hereby declare Hugh Grant an honorary Waco (home of the Dr. Pepper Museum, the Texas Ranger Hall of Fame, and the Armstrong Browning Library) Wacko.